Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
