you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
