I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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