I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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