This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i love accidental penises.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
