Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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