Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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