My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
