My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
