You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i dont even know how to be here
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
