"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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