dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
