yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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