So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
