My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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