I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The air taste purple.
Randomize
