He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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