i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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