Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My vagina just recognized that song.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
