I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
