i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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