Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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