I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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