I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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