Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
false alarm. still invincible.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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