she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
