he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just invented taco cereal.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
