They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
