I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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