Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
