I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
