Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
