I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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