I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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