trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
