I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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