Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
