My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
40s are totally the cure
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
