This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
