omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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