the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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