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I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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