just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
