I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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