that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We had sex on a dog bed..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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