I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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