Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
