I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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