Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
