'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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